The Story that did not want to be Read

(page 17)

Kung Pao Chicken

Prepare the secret sauce by mixing three shots of soy sauce with a splash of red wine vinegar, two dollops of sesame oil, a whatnot of chicken broth, a smattering of chili puree with garlic, a dash of sherry, and a whiff of cornstarch. Stir well, until the dollops and whiffs and splashes and whatnots mix together and you can't tell what they were.

Clean and chop the scallions. Toss with a teaspoon of crushed red pepper and set aside for later. No nibbling! You'll be sorry!

Peel eight cloves of garlic. Chop and crush the cloves, until your whole house smells like garlic. If you have invited anyone to dinner that doesn't like garlic, give him or her a phone call with the address of a good restaurant.

Begin with two pounds of boneless chicken breasts. Cut into bite-sized cubes. Toss the chicken with two whiffs of cornstarch and an egg white. Stir-fry the chicken on medium-high heat, until it turns white and looks like it wants to be eaten.

Deep-fry the peanuts in oil on medium heat. Be careful! Don't overcook! Set the peanuts aside, and then remove all but a smidgeon of oil from the wok.

Stir-fry the scallions, garlic, and red pepper until your whole house smells like garlic again. Add the chicken and peanuts, and cook on high heat for one minute. Add the sauce and continue stirring until a minute and a half after your guests ask, "When is dinner?"

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