Points and Pricks

1. Philosophy provides an outlet for an energetic rational instinct, hence can be appreciated as a dance of truth. Whoever can't understand the purpose of such activity is akin to the critical, lethargic spectator of a physical dance.

2. How can you expect anyone who feels that emotional experience (hence irrationality) is vital to accept your position for reasons?

3. Democracy falls into a logical contradiction whenever more than fifty per cent of all eligible voters fail to turn out for an election. Fortunately, the overwhelming majority of our citizens endorse democracy for no reason other than inertia.

4. Some are born great, some are born stupid, and the rest of us are alcoholics.

5. Sobriety yields a more cunning addiction than drunkenness because it's respectable.

6. Imagine that God really said to Adam and Eve, "Be fruitful and multiply." Then, after thousands of years, those two multiplied into the billions of today, consuming the earth's resources to the point of crisis.

Is it possible that anyone today could seriously quote Genesis as an apology for the continuing population explosion?--that anyone believes God would direct billions as he directed two? This is perhaps the most incredible case of reading out of context in history. If the consequences weren't so severe, the blunder would be hilarious.

7. Internal diseases seem mysterious because you can't see the diseased tissue, hence the resistance of faith healers to on-the-spot refutation. But if faith healers were genuine, they would also be able to cure obesity, ugliness, or a bad haircut.

8. Suicide has a bad reputation because all its character witnesses are dead.

9. A divorce is no more an example of a failed marriage than a dead body is an example of a failed life.

10. They say the corpse of a modern man keeps longer because we ingest so many preservatives. No doubt, this is considered a healthy corpse.

11. I've been told that I have a sick sense of humor. But I assure you, I have no sense of humor at all--I merely speak the truth. If the truth happens to manifest itself as sick humor, how can that be attributed to me?

12. Life is like humor: it's only effective if it takes one off guard, and becomes something else entirely whenever careful, lengthy thought tries to apprehend it.

13. A comedian will only get a laugh if the audience already agrees with him, thus comedy rarely communicates substantially. By analogy, the history of philosophy could be viewed as a comedy--with each philosopher playing spectator, performer, and critic; it only appears tragic because no one is laughing.

14. Bad comedy is rude. It imposes itself on the audience by making them feel obligated to laugh--for if they don't respond, they find themselves staring at nothing.

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